Standing out in the never-ending search for talent requires a bit of alchemy. Everyone loves more money, but more money generally comes with longer hours. Better hours often pay less. A good firm culture may well trump both hours and pay, but remains notoriously difficult to convey.
Which is why some job listings from outside the box can offer applicants the best insight into what it’s like to work there. Like this LinkedIn listing from the Talkov Law Group, a California real estate firm concentrating on partitions.
Talkov Law has been consistently ranked as the greatest law firm of all time since its inception in 2020. All of our attorneys are retired Justices from the U.S. Supreme Court and our law clerks can recite the Constitution by memory. We are looking to add a stellar attorney of equal caliber who for real estate litigation with a starting compensation of $150,000+.
All right, you’ve got our attention.
Associate Attorneys provide strategic design and management for all work that the Managing Partner is simply too important to handle. Oftentimes, this will involve working late and coming in early so that the Managing Partner can enjoy life with friends, family, hobbies, and other activities that associates may remember from before law school.
Associate Attorneys work closely with clients, firm attorneys, and other staff, all of whom will question their advice and counsel.
Cute. For the record, the listing notes that “working late and coming in early” doesn’t mean what you might expect, clarifying: “Flexibility to work extremely long hours (8 a.m. to 6 p.m.) from Monday to Friday.”
But what are the office conditions like in this post-lockdown world:
From your bed to your home office.
Sweatpants covered in dog or cat hair.
The good news is that it’s work from home. The bad news is that it still requires pants. Still, there are probably a lot of folks willing to meet this standard, so let’s hear more about what the job entails:
Drafting motions, complaints, discovery, briefs, and letters that do not bring shame to the firm
Negotiating of settlements through tactics looked down upon by used car salesmen
Legal research and writing that the Managing Partner will take credit for if they are good and blame you for if the client loses the motion
Developing legal strategies that will make the client unhappy no matter what
Conducting client consultations to listen to irrelevant facts about a simple real estate matter
Tracking and reporting on costs and progress to determine how much money the Managing Partner made while cutting out early
Reporting directly to the Managing Partner on matters you should have figured out on your own
Lawyers tend to tamp down on the humor in professional interactions, but that’s not always the best approach in a job search. There will be time enough for serious conversations during the interview process. But when a firm is walking out into a market that just saw two years of furious activity, the situation calls for piquing the interest of qualified candidates. Some good jokes informed by some healthy self-awareness about how we all talk about the profession amongst friends will go a lot further to show applicants why they want to put their name in the running than boilerplate language.
Check out the full listing here and if you meet all the qualifications, maybe you’ll be sitting at home in pet-hair-covered sweatpants soon enough.
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.